does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
