ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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