Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
