Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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