Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize