Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
