I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
