I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
