it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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