I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
