all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
