ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
