I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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