What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
