if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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