These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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