I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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