my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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