The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
