I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
