I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
