I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
