Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
