At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
