I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
