do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
