My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize