A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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