Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
