I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
