Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
