i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
