Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
