I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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