I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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