swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
