If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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