last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
