I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
