Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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