I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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