i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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