i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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