Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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