I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
