At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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