I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
