Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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