never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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