Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize