Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
