I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
