True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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