I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Terrible idea I love it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize