I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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