Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
