her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
