Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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