Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
