i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
