No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
