you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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