Barsexuality is the new black.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize