I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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