Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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