i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
