Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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