I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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