Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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