matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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