He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
