I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
